Once, there was this kid who
Took a trip to Singapore and brought along his spray paint.
And when he finally came back,
He had cane marks all over his bottom.
He said that it was from when
The warden whacked it so hard.
Mmm mmm mmm mmm. Mmm mmm mmm mmm.

Once there was this girl who
Swore that one day she would be a figure skating champion.
And when she finally made it,
She saw some other girl who was better.
And so she hired some guy to
Club her in the kneecap.
Mmm mmm mmm mmm. Mmm mmm mmm mmm.
Mmm mmm mmm mmm. Mmm mmm mmm mmm.

They got paid for their sound bites,
And sold their TV movie rights.

And then, there was this guy who
Made his wife so mad one night that she cut off his wiener.
And when he finally came to,
He found that Mr. Happy was missing.
He couldn't quite explain it,
It'd always just been there.
Mmm mmm mmm mmm. Mmm mmm mmm mmm.
Mmm mmm mmm mmm. Mmm mmm mmm mmm.

Ahh ahh ahh ahh. Ahh ahh ahh ahh.
Ahh ahh ahh ahh. Ahh ahh ahh ahh.